My paternal grandmother's physical body suffered from
Alzheimer's in the late 80's. She suffered alone in silence. My
maternal grandfather's physical body suffered from Dementia in 2007.
In 2007 I had tools to help me communicate with the spirit or higher self of
deceased loved ones of the angelic realm. I tried to communicate with my
grandfather's higher self/spirit while his physical body was unable to
communicate verbally and it worked! Through this communication I was able to
give messages from my grandfather to my grandmother and those messages gave
her great comfort.
As a result I created the
Communicating through Dementia guided meditation and the
Alzheimer's Alternative Care program to help others who are searching
for a method to communicate with their loved ones.
It is with
great honor that I share Jacqueline Marcell's work as an Eldercare and
Alzheimer's Speaker, Radio Host, Caregiver Advocate and Author of Elder
Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents.
Jacqueline will be my special guest on the Spiritual
Whispers Radio show on August 30, 2012. Click
here to set a reminder for the
show.
How
to Survive Caring for Aging Parents: Elder Rage &
Alzheimer’s
By Jacqueline Marcell, Author of ‘Elder Rage’
www.ElderRage.com
For eleven years I pleaded with my obstinate elderly father
to allow a caregiver to help him with my ailing mother, but
after 55 years of loving each other he adamantly insisted on
taking care of her himself. Every caregiver I hired to help
him called in exasperation, "Jacqueline, I just can't work
with your father–his temper is impossible to handle. I don't
think he’ll accept help until he's on his knees himself."
My father had always been 90% great, but boy-oh-boy that
temper was a doozy. He’d never turned on me before, but I'd
never gone against his wishes either. When my mother nearly
died from his inability to continue to care for her, I flew
from southern California to San Francisco determined to save
her life–having no idea that it would nearly cost me my own.
EARLY SIGNS OF DEMENTIA?
I spent three months in the hospital nursing my 82-pound
mother back to relative health, while my father went from
normal one minute to calling me nasty names and throwing me
out of the house the next. I walked on egg shells trying not
to upset him, even running the washing machine could cause a
tizzy, and there was no way to reason with him. It was heart
wrenching to have my once-adoring father turn against me.
I immediately took my father to his doctor, only to be
flabbergasted that he could act normal when he needed to. I
could not believe it when the doctor looked at me as if I
was lying. She didn’t even take me seriously when I reported
my father had nearly electrocuted my mother, but fortunately
I walked into the bathroom three seconds before he plugged
in a huge power strip that was soaking in a tub of
water–along with my mother’s feet! Much later, I was furious
to find out my father had instructed his doctor (and
everyone) not to listen to anything I said because I was
just a (bleep) liar—and all I wanted was his money! (I wish
he had some.)
Then things got serious. My father had never laid a hand on
me my whole life, but one day nearly choked me to death for
adding HBO to his television, even though he had eagerly
consented to it a few days before. Terrified, I call the
police for the first time in my life who took him to a
psychiatric hospital for evaluation. I could not believe it
when they released him right away, saying they couldn't find
anything wrong with him. What is even more astonishing is
that similar horrifying incidents occurred three more times.
CAREGIVER CATCH 22
After three months, I was finally able to bring my frail
mother home from the hospital, but furious to find myself
trapped. I couldn't fly home and leave her alone with my
father–she'd surely die from his inability to care for her.
I couldn't get my father to accept a caregiver, and even
when I did—no one would put up with his temper very long. I
couldn't get healthcare professionals to help–my father was
always so darling in front of them. I couldn't get
medication to calm him, and even when I finally did—he
refused to take it and flushed it down the toilet. I
couldn't place my mother in a nursing home—he'd take her
out. I couldn't put him in a home—he didn't qualify. They
both refused Assisted Living—legally I couldn't force them.
I became a prisoner in my parents' home for nearly a year
trying to solve crisis after crisis, begging for
professional help—and infuriated with a medical system that
wasn't helping me appropriately.
|
Click  to listen to an invitation from Jacqueline. |
GERIATRIC DEMENTIA SPECIALIST MAKES DIAGNOSIS
You don't need a doctorate degree to know something is
wrong, but you do need the right doctor who can diagnose and
treat dementia properly. Finally, a friend suggested I call
the Alzheimer’s Association who directed me to the best
neurologist in the area who specialized in dementia. He
performed a battery of blood, neurological, memory tests, CT
and P.E.T. scans. After reviewing my parents’ many
medications and ruling out numerous reversible dementias
such as a B-12 and thyroid deficiency, you should have seen
my face drop when he diagnosed Stage One Alzheimer's in both
parents—something all their other healthcare professionals
missed entirely.
TRAPPED IN OLD HABITS
What I'd been coping with was the beginning of Alzheimer’s
(just one type of dementia), which begins very
intermittently and comes and goes. I didn't understand that
my father was addicted and trapped in his own bad behavior
of a lifetime and his habit of yelling to get his way was
coming out over things that were irrational... at times. I
also didn't understand that demented does not mean dumb (a
concept not widely appreciated) and that he was still
socially adjusted never to show his ‘Hyde’ side to anyone
outside the family. Even with the onset of dementia, it was
astonishing he could be so manipulative. On the other hand,
my mother was as sweet and lovely as she’d always been.
KEY: BALANCE BRAIN CHEMISTRY!
Alzheimer's makes up 60-80% of all dementias and there's no
stopping the progression nor is there yet a cure. However,
if identified early there are four FDA approved medications
(Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne and Namenda) that mask symptoms,
keeping the patient in the early independent stage longer,
delaying the need for part to full-time care. The
Alzheimer’s Association reports that with optimal lifestyle
changes (proper nutrition, weight, exercise, socialization),
a five year delay in the onset could save $50 BILLION in
annual healthcare costs. Even a one month delay in nursing
home placement of Alzheimer’s patients could save the U.S.
$1 BILLION annually.
After the neurologist masked the symptoms of Alzheimer’s
Disease in my parents, he treated their depression which is
often present in AD patients. It wasn’t easy to get the
dosages right and it took time and patience -- and no, my
father wasn’t suddenly turned into an angel, but at least we
didn’t need police intervention any longer!
CREATIVE BEHAVIORAL TECHNIQUES
Once my parents’ brain chemistries were better balanced, I
was able to optimize nutrition, fluids, medication,
treatments, exercise and socialization with much less
resistance. I was also able to implement creative techniques
to cope with the intermittent bizarre behaviors. Instead of
logic and reason—I used distraction and redirection to
things they were interested in. I learned to use
reminiscence and talk about the old days, capitalizing on
their long-term memories which were still quite good.
Instead of arguing the facts—I agreed, validated frustrated
feelings, and lived in their realities of the moment. I
finally learned to just ‘go with the flow’ and let hurtful
comments roll off.
And if none of that worked, a bribe of ice cream worked the
best to cajole my father into the shower, even as he swore a
blue streak at me that he’d just taken one yesterday (over a
week ago). I was also finally able to get my father to
accept a live-in caregiver (he’d only alienated 40 that
year—most only there for about ten minutes), and then with
the benefit of Adult Day Care five days a week for my
parents and a support group for me, everything finally
started to fall into place.
IF ONLY WE HAD LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE!
Before long my parents’ life savings was gone and we were
well into mine. I was advised to apply for Medicaid and
after months of evaluation they were approved for financial
help from the government. I was so relieved, until I learned
it would only pay to put my parents in a nursing home, not
keep them at home with 24/7 care. And, since my mother
needed more skilled care than my father, they’d be
separated, something they would never consent to—nor did I
want after all this work to keep them together.
I could not believe it—I finally had everything figured out
medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, emotionally,
caregivers in place, the house elder-proofed, and all I
needed was financial help to keep them at home. If I’d only
made sure my parents bought Long Term Care Insurance (or
bought it for them) years ago while they were healthy before
diagnosis of dementia, it would have covered the cost of
their care at home. Instead, I paid for their care, which
nearly wiped me out in every way. After five years of
managing 24/7 care for my parents, I survived invasive
Breast Cancer.
DEMENTIA OFTEN OVERLOOKED
What is so unsettling is that not one healthcare
professional discussed the possibility of the beginning of
Alzheimer’s (or any type of dementia) in my parents with me
that first year, which happens far too often. Alzheimer's
afflicts 5.4 million Americans, but millions go undiagnosed
for years because intermittent subtle warning signs are
chalked up to stress and a ‘normal’ part of aging. Since one
out of eight by age 65, and nearly half by age 85 get AD,
healthcare professionals of every specialty should know the
‘Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's’ and educate their
patients early so everyone can save time, money—and a
fortune in Kleenex!
TEN WARNING SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER'S
(Reprinted with permission of the Alzheimer’s Association)
1. Memory loss
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks
3. Problems with language
4. Disorientation of time and place
5. Poor or decreased judgment
6. Problems with abstract thinking
7. Misplacing things
8. Changes in mood or behavior
9. Changes in personality
10. Loss of initiative
www.ElderRage.com/Alzheimers.asp
Jacqueline Marcell is an international
SPEAKER on Eldercare & Alzheimer’s, host of the
COPING
with CAREGIVING radio show, and author of the best-selling book,
ELDER RAGE (Print, Audio, Kindle/Nook), a Book-of-the-Month Club
selection receiving 50
endorsements,
360 5-Star
Amazon reviews, required reading at numerous universities and considered
for a film.
www.ElderRage.com
