Big Jim is my dad. Being from the South, he was and
still is, Daddy to me.
In the beginning of "rememberings" as a child, I don't
remember much. But we have videos. Mom had the 8mm videos converted to
VCR tape. Mom and Daddy... young with three babes - it was the early
60's. There is footage of gatherings with friends at a park enjoying
the water of the river that ran through it, birthdays and playing with
us in the yard with a sprinkler. Me crying because I got it in the face
- still don't like water in the face...
Mom was from Missouri. Daddy was from Arkansas.
The footage of Grandmother Speakes and our grandfather,
Nick, Daddy's parents, is interesting. Nick was tall and we were short,
being small children. We experienced and filmed a trip to a cotton
field - Nick was irrigating it. When he walked through the cotton it
was up to his waste. We as short people, disappeared when we walked
Cotton doesn't grow that tall anymore - now most of the
time it only grows about a foot tall.
When Daddy got out of the army, he moved us to Arkansas
to farm the land that he and his father, Nick, cleared to grow cotton,
soybeans and wheat. We were city kids moved to the country. I was the
oldest and I was only about four, so the only whining that went on was
from me, missing my grandmother in Missouri.
Farming is hard work and Daddy was a hard working man.
As small children there were days in the summer we never saw him. He
was up early before us and home late after we went to bed. But we grew
up and became helpers - especially when we could reach the gas pedal of
the truck and other farm machinery.
I used to cringe on early summer mornings when Daddy
would turn on the light in my room and say, "Rise and shine!" It would
be time to get up to chop cotton. There were no water bottles in those
days. And the cotton always had dirt and dew on it, which turned to mud
on your legs when you walked through it. I didn't like being thirsty,
dirty or up at the crack of dawn.
At the crack of dawn, the air smells like God. At
least, I think that is what God smells like - fresh and clean and full
of possibilities - limitless possibilities. Can the air be filled with
possibilities? I thought it could - still do when I open the windows in
the spring and experience the whiff... of God... and possibilities.
And at the crack of dawn the morning glories have opened
their blooming faces wide to catch the dew and the first warm rays of
the sun. Daddy worked really hard to kill the morning glories, because
they choked out the cotton and shaded it from the sun, preventing it
from growing and producing the blossoms, bows and cotton that he desired
to harvest and sell.
(I grow morning glories now - from seed. At first it
seemed wrong, but I asked Daddy about it. He has given me beautiful
signs of his approval.)
Big Jim worked hard. Back in the day he had a short
tolerance for incompetency. As children we were in the process of
learning, so at times life got challenging for all of us, but we all got
through it. Each of us, my two brothers and me, learned what hard work
is, how to work in integrity and honesty, and how to have fun. Big Jim
always had toys...
When we were little, he communicated with the "world"
through CB radio, talking to people in other states and occasionally in
another country. Then the mini bike arrived and when none of us got
killed on it or injured beyond skin growing back - the motorcycles
came. I even had one. It was really too big for me - a Suzuki 100.
But if I was careful, it allowed me to go with the boys on their
excursions. There's a place back in the woods that when you ride into
it everything changes - I thought of it as: The Twilight Zone in real
life. The temperature dropped from 90 to about 65 and the birds sound
different and the air smelled different and the hair stands up on the
back of your neck and you don't dare slow down in case the bike should
stall. I only went there once and never went back - Daddy just laughed.
Of course being from the south and living in the
country, there were guns too. Daddy didn't hunt, but the boys did. I
didn't hunt, but I sure liked target practice. I really enjoyed
shooting skeet. The boys weren't happy when I got better than they
were, hence my skeet shooting days were short lived. I think it was a
patience thing more than skill, but with patience I can hit what I'm
aiming at. Plus, Daddy reloaded his shotgun shells. I got to put in
the salt and pepper (shot and powder). Those were the days...
After I moved out and got my own place, I still went
back to Mom and Daddy's to eat - imagine that? On my days off, I would
fix lunch for Daddy and we would visit. It was then that I discovered
that Daddy is a talker. Mom doesn't say much, but prepare Daddy
something good to eat and he would tell you everything he knew. In
honesty, he always ate it even if it wasn't good and with my cooking it
was always a roll of the dice...
When I moved out of state I found that Daddy was also
the one who would talk on the phone. So I called when Mom wasn't home
to find out what was really going on. Many a cordless phone battery
died during those conversations.
Through the years, I finally rediscovered my spiritual
life path and was able to share my experiences with Daddy. He was
always interested, but could never quite "get there." But, he really
liked the doves on the Soul Kisses website - he liked that their wings
opened and closed. He was really impressed that I had been able to make
them do that. I told him I really didn't do it, that all I did was
insert an animated image into the right spot. He didn't care, he was
The last conversation in the physical world that I had
with Daddy, October 28, 2005, he shared with me his brush with death
when he had a heart attack twelve years earlier. In all the times we
had talked, I was surprised he hadn't shared the information before. He
said he found himself in a hallway that had two doors - one was death
and the other was life. He said there were "beings" on the other side
of the door of death that told him he would experience things more
wonderful than he could imagine if he would choose the death door. He
said it wasn't scary, it was comforting. But he chose life and came
Then he talked about what I do - connecting with my
angelic entourage, etc. He said he just "couldn't get there" - which he
found surprising because he loved the StarGate television series and he
had no problem "getting there!" He thought this was funny.
Big Jim, Daddy's, spirit transitioned to the angelic
realm on October 31, 2005 during open heart surgery. He transitioned
fully - he is NOT stuck here.
He has discovered that he "gets" what I do now. He's
been to classes to "help" me with my work for God. He's been to
parallel dimensions and galaxies, discovering why StarGate held such
fascination for him. It is true, that my life (and I'm sure other
members of the family) now offer him great entertainment. When I began
an exercise program, he was right there cheering me on. He told me how
the exercise was really good for me and the entertainment value on his
end was priceless! Ya gotta love him!
Now, when I see him, in my mind's eye... he's Always
smiling - always. This wasn't the case while living here
in the heavy, negative physical world. So the smiles in themselves tell
a story... Even when I feel like my life has dissolved into chaos, he
comes in here smiling and laughing and telling me to "lighten up." He
then entices my puppy, Majik, to do something to make me laugh. He
reminds me that "worry" does nothing to enhance my life and that worry
is fear based - so snap back into love base and quick!
My mom has given me permission to share Experiences of
Life after Physical Life with Daddy - it is important to me to have her
support. My Protector Guide, Chief Running Bear, calls him Big Jim,
hence the recording of the experiences reference him as Big Jim. The
Messages from Big Jim will encompass a wide range of information. Fred,
my significant other, has pointed out to me that personally he wants
more messages directly from Big Jim - not so much my experience with
him. I'll discuss this with Big Jim. Sharing my experience with him
offers insight into your own experiences, as the reader, with loved ones
who have transitioned. Perhaps we can incorporate both.
Big Jim and I are co-writing a book together to help the
reader to not fear death of the physical body. We've begun to collect
material. It will truly be an exciting journey! In the physical world,
when I began Soul Kisses, I hadn't dreamed that it would evolve in such
a way or that Daddy would be helping me. What an unexpected gift - or
was this the original plan when we came to Mother Earth this time?
Who is Big Jim? He was a man - a father, a husband, a
business owner and a friend. He was my physical world dad and now my
spiritual world mentor and teacher. I continue to grieve and miss his
physical world presence. I've learned that grief never goes away, it
only gets easier. I celebrate this continued relationship with great
gratitude and reverence - to be blessed so abundantly with his continued
guidance is more than a daughter could even think to ask for.
In love and light,
Kate and Big Jim