Suppress Grief? You Betcha!
As published in Kajama
When we hear the term grief or grieving, we
naturally think of the death of a loved one. The physical world conditions us to
believe that death of the physical body is a bad thing, but elevated
consciousness tells us that this isn't true, that the death of the physical body
is only a transition - an exhale of breath from one life form to another, a
shift from human to spirit.
The spirit lives on in both the physical world and the angelic realm. Some of us
can see the spirit, and some of us can't. If we can't see them, does it mean
that the spirits of loved ones are not here with us? There are times we clearly
hear them say something to us or we feel their presence, or we think about them
and then their favorite song comes on the radio. We experience things that let
us know that they are near. The truth is, we're not alone.
As humanoids, we learn to "suck it up" when life gets difficult. We learn to
suppress negative, bad or painful emotions and move on with our lives, but so
many times when we do this, we effectively block out our ability to experience
and express joy, happiness and love. In effect, we subconsciously induce an
emotional coma - a physical shut-down of our emotional life. We do this to
protect ourselves, but in reality, suppressing pain quashes our ability to
The reality is that we either don't want or don't know how to allow ourselves to
experience the stages of grief: shock, anger, denial, bargaining, depression and
acceptance, as well as the emotions of despair, guilt, sadness and fear.
Death is not the only thing that generates grief. Everyday things we deal with
can also bring about grieving, such as the loss of a job, loss of a friendship,
a child moving away from home, moving house, divorce, illness, etc. Each of
these things has their own way of creating pain. As the level of pain depends on
where they fall on our scale of importance, any one of them can be quite
Grief is its own animal. It's a living, breathing thing that cannot be
suppressed forever, and there are consequences in trying. I experienced this
myself recently when I discovered how easily our physicality and our human
emotions can hide from our spiritual selves.
My dad transitioned home on October 31, 2005. To others, it appeared that I
handled it all quite well. My daughter was afraid I was going to crack and she
wouldn't know what to do with me, but I didn't crack - at least, not for weeks.
When I returned to the family fold for the funeral, we celebrated Daddy's life.
There were sadness and tears, but there were also love, laughter and
reminiscence on days past. There were stories of how amazingly creative and
healing he was. It was a beautiful and special time - like family reunions are
supposed to be.
Upon returning home I was very busy, and then it was Thanksgiving, then
Christmas. Without knowing it, I was too busy to grieve, and I was suppressing
my grief to the extent that I was suppressing joy, happiness and love. My
biggest clue that I was in trouble was when I found myself holding my breath and
experiencing a perpetual feeling of motion - almost like the weightlessness
experienced in an elevator. If I breathed deeply it would get better, but the
next thing I knew I was holding my breath again, and the perpetual feeling of
motion came back stronger than before.
As a spiritual student, I believe completely that I have communicated with my
dad since his physical death, so I thought I was handling his transition - was
coming to terms with it. In truth, I had subconsciously induced an emotional
coma, and I really wasn't functioning very well.
When I realized this, I went to the bookstore and got the book <u>Healing
Grief</u> by James Van Praagh. There I was on page 13: Denial. I was in denial,
and to maintain denial, I had cut myself off from everything bad and everything
good - hence the emotional coma.
Despite this, I was still functioning somewhat, right up until my mom told me
she was going to the cemetery on Christmas Eve. That did it. I cried and cried
and cried. In my mind, it was wrong to be happy with Daddy gone, and I was
absolutely BESIDE myself that I had left him at the cemetery. I LEFT HIM! How
could I have done that?
By this time, the perpetual feeling of motion I was experiencing was really
uncomfortable, and that discomfort was a consequence of suppressing grief.
Somehow I had to grieve. It wasn't that I thought I didn't have to - that
because of my spiritual beliefs, it wasn't necessary for me to grieve. It wasn't
that I thought I had grieved and I was finished. The fact was that I didn't know
how. I had been rejoicing at all the many messages I had received from my dad
through spiritual friends, meditations and dreams - which is good - but now I
was struggling to grieve on a more physical level.
Loss is a very physical thing. I think if it were tangible, it would be like
chewing gum stuck all over the body, but instead of it being pink, it would be a
mass of dark slippery gray material that sticks to all it touches and can't be
pulled or wiped off.
During this timeframe, my dear friend Barbara Mark recommended I call her
daughter Suzanne and ask her to help me release the emotions I was suppressing.
When I didn't call Suzanne right away, Barbara strongly insisted. I called
Suzanne. My experience with Suzanne was a spiritual milestone in my life.
Suzanne uses the Sedona Method, which is a simple, powerful, easy-to-learn
technique that helps us release suppressed emotions. Together, Suzanne and I
identified the emotions I was experiencing, and then we pinpointed one area I
was having a hard time with. I was feeling overwhelmed because I couldn't focus
because I was so sad.
Suzanne asked me to embrace the feeling - to welcome it into my body. The first
question Suzanne asked me was, "Could I let it go?" As I said yes, I felt the
feelings dissipating. Then she asked me, "Would I let it go?" Again I said yes,
and the feelings dissipated even more. By the time she asked me the last
question, "When would I let it go?" the feelings were gone!
After my first session with Suzanne, I could breathe and the perpetual motion
was better! I scheduled my next session with Suzanne for two weeks away so I
would have plenty of time to work by myself, embracing emotions by asking these
questions and allowing the emotions to dissipate. I was amazed how easy it was,
and it was working!
My second session with Suzanne was a miracle. I had been working by myself to
release and dissipate suppressed emotions and was discovering emotions and
un-forgiveness that I had been suppressing for years. Every time I released, I
found more layers of suppressed emotions. As a result, the feeling of perpetual
motion that I was experiencing was back, and it was getting harder to stand
without holding on to something. I felt as if there was a massive hand on my
chest, pushing me backward.
As Suzanne and I began the session, I could no longer sit in my chair - I had to
lie down on the floor. Within just a few minutes, Suzanne helped me to dissipate
deep-seated emotions. I actually felt the emotions as if they were tangible
objects moving up through my body and out through my crown chakra. The
experience was beyond amazing!
I have continued to use the Sedona Method to release not only suppressed
emotions, but also un-forgiveness. This method is amazing because it is so
simple and powerful. Working alone I achieve great results, but in working with
Suzanne, I receive magnificent results.
As spirits living in physical bodies, we have no choice but to experience grief.
As I mentioned before, it is its own animal, and there are consequences to
trying to suppress it, whether they manifest consciously or subconsciously.
Suppressing emotions in the physical body will make the physical body sick. This
is a fact.
There are many, many tools to help us move the grieving process along. It is up
to each of us to recognize that grieving is needed. Loss in our lives - whether
it is the death of a loved one or a change of condition or situation - is still
loss. There is no way to get around it: loss is loss. Facing loss and accepting
it in appropriate, healthy ways is necessary to maintain our health, balance and
ability to function in the physical world.
Remember, grief has no script, no book, no directions, no guidelines. Allow
yourself to grieve without suppression. Embrace your loss and take its power to
cripple you away.
Also, at all costs, allow yourself to experience joy with abandon - without
guilt. Breathe deeply and live.
Suzanne Mark may be contacted through her website: